HALF TERM REPORT

MID-SEASON SABBATICAL

Hoping to get back on track with two away games, instead I found myself dropped from both teams this week. Harry pointed out I've lost two on the spin in the Leyland league, Steve wasn't sure I could bring home the bacon in a critical return fixture at Black Horse in the Chorley league. Absolutely fair enough decisions from two very good captains.
This brings about an impromptu mid-season break, which would be no bad thing after flipping my lid last week. With practice time also squeezed out of possibility just at present and with some holiday breaks coming up, the game is binned off until I return in a couple of weeks. Preferably, with a refreshed outlook, rejuvenated zest for competition and a wiser head for the indifferent experiences of this season so far.
This break had one exception, a return to where my crown green bowling began about three years ago. Starting all over again by having a game with my wonderful old friend Lee on his club green at Vernons. Purely for pleasure, which is what it was all about in the first place isn't it?
We had a couple of good games and it was much needed bowling therapy.
On the whole, this season has not lived up to expectation so far, which was simply to continue the curve of improvement. Whilst strangely I feel I've played some of my best bowls at times and that I've more idea of what I'm doing, I've also intermittently regressed and struggled in some matches.
Whilst blaming a period of fatigue lately for issues with concentration, ultimately it's the same old cloud of broken composure that's cast it's dark shadow. Time and time again this old foe crops up and now look where I am... having a mid-season sabbatical to screw my head back on.
No doubt these words have been scattered before on these pages, but composure really is the biggest challenge to conquer if I'm going to prosper in this game.
Putting pressure on myself and overreacting to the dissatisfaction of rolling substandard bowls are the triggers, but just why I get myself in to such an irreversible tizz is another matter.
Interestingly and by chance, I am half way through a documentary about John McEnroe in which he openly discussed his infamous demons on court.
I'm not comparing myself to one of sport's all time greats on any level, let me be clear, but as well as both being John's, we are both human and I couldn't help but relate to many of the feelings he very honestly described when he had meltdowns during a match.
That said, all I have to do is play well and be consistent to keep myself happy! A big ask indeed to keep the red mist at bay, but if I can just slow down and get my head in gear, it's not impossible. I've still got some potential.
I've learned this season that winning isn't absolutely everything in this game even though losing sucks, but now more so, for me performance is what it's all about.