SEASON REVIEW

A disjointed start to season four of my crown green education was epitomised by the candid assessment of my Thursday night captain Harry Glynn back in April. Most deflating was it to hear Harry identify that I was playing better than this in my very first year. 

I seemed to have gone backwards when forwards had looked the more perfectly natural direction for my game.
There was a strange couple of weeks when I knew what I was meant to do but just couldn't find a way. I couldn't find a rythym, started over-thinking every micro-movement of my delivery and lost confidence. I did manage to get back on track though and then started to play better than ever at times.
One step back and two steps forward seemed to be the general pattern as form dipped again a little bit at times, but overall I played much better bowls and feel significant improvements have been made.
One measure of progress was away form in the leagues, winning as many on the road this year as I've managed in the whole of my previous three seasons. Ten from fifteen matches this year and those five losses could, or should have gone the other way. Something clicked away from home in particular and it built up a higher level of belief, confidence and also more resilience. 
In contrast, our home green felt less of a familiar friend. After initially getting my kecks in a twist and falling out with it, this season became more of a "getting to know you again" relationship on the Eagle & Child.
Work done to the surface during last Autumn and Winter had changed its character in places and whilst slowly starting to find my way on it again, I was vulnerable if an opponent turned up with a very good game. Too frequently goetting myself off to an horrendous start that couldn't be fixed and this season's most difficult and bruising defeats were experienced on home turf.
Generally though and despite no shortage of tough games, my stats stood up much better in the leagues
Another measure of progress was the way I played in the two late season singles competitions. There was that brief sign of potential in Spring at the Hugh Hornby Merit, but then reverting to a series of poor showings and first round thrashings began to question my stubborn perseverance of entering such things again.

But it all came good at Sabden and Longridge recently, making third round status for the first time and almost making a finals night.
Strangely, having struggled to find form on the day in most singles competitions this year and feeling like I'm just not going to make the basic grade to provide a competitive opposition, I've finished the season having found myself not only putting up some of my best woods in that environment, but also discovering a much better temperament to go with it.
Naturally, I still call myself a knobhead when I send a bad one, but I get over it quickly and make sure my next one is better. No kicking woods off or chucking them in the bush at this level. In singles, if it goes wrong I'm only letting myself down, which I've probably done most of my life so I'm well rehearsed in that!
I think in a team or doubles partnership I can get lost in the fear of letting the team or partner down and for that, simply put too much pressure on myself.
In singles, it's much more simple. Defeat is almost expected, victory a beautiful bonus and lately I've discovered just aiming to go out there to play well and enjoy it can reap results.
No longer any lingering doubts about entering competitions then and whilst still an underdog of course, ever so slightly less the black sheep.
Many elements of my game remain to be worked hard on, but I can see and even feel what I have to do now to get there.
Being entirely honest, deep down there is a ridiculousness that aspires to become a very good crown green bowler indeed. I think this has been the case since I started! A most unlikely success story that's highly unlikely to come to fruition, but without that dubious aspiration in the first place, even less chance that it could actually happen.
One or two bowlers who have maybe played longer than I have and resigned themselves to a certain standard or comfort zone may smirk at my flighty desire to achieve things, but whilst still on the up and my game is developing, I don't see the point in looking down or sideways.
This year there have been ever increasing moments and periods during matches when I have even surprised myself by playing some really good stuff.
So the main season ended just as promise began to shine brightest. Now it's important I don't allow the drawn out darkness of Winter to snuff out that promise and start where I left off next Spring.