Tuesday 2nd April 2024
Preston & District Amateur League Cup 1st Round
Eagle & Child "B' - Vernons BC
v ALAN McDOUGALL L 15-21
There have been moments when I've thought I might not be too bad at this game and was genuinely starting to feel I could settle down and start making some proper progress this season. Off the back of Winter, an air of confidence and deeper understanding of the game.
Eagle & Child "B' - Vernons BC
v ALAN McDOUGALL L 15-21
There have been moments when I've thought I might not be too bad at this game and was genuinely starting to feel I could settle down and start making some proper progress this season. Off the back of Winter, an air of confidence and deeper understanding of the game.
Perhaps I've been kidding myself, for such thoughts were trashed after an impromptu call-up to help out the Eagle & Child's new 'B' team in the Preston League.
I generally played absolutely rubbish. The very basics went to pot and I just didn't seem to know what the bloody hell I was doing out there most of the time.
When finally put out of my misery and after chucking my bowls in to the laurel bushes with dummy firmly spat out, I did wonder whilst still in a huff and trying to retrieve them in the darkness of undergrowth, if it was time I just packed the game up.
It's a close call, but having calmed down I realise a second opinion would be the rational option so I'll still be making myself available as normal to start the Leyland League in a couple of night's time.
Honestly though, if you're not enjoying something and there's other stuff you're better at, it feels like a completely pointless waste of valuable time.
This game sucks time up like a vacuum and so enjoyment is paramount.
It's not about the winning and losing, I really am past all that crap. I just feel it's time that match performance hit a consistently satisfactory level I suppose, but tonight was just consistently bad.
When finally put out of my misery and after chucking my bowls in to the laurel bushes with dummy firmly spat out, I did wonder whilst still in a huff and trying to retrieve them in the darkness of undergrowth, if it was time I just packed the game up.
It's a close call, but having calmed down I realise a second opinion would be the rational option so I'll still be making myself available as normal to start the Leyland League in a couple of night's time.
Honestly though, if you're not enjoying something and there's other stuff you're better at, it feels like a completely pointless waste of valuable time.
This game sucks time up like a vacuum and so enjoyment is paramount.
It's not about the winning and losing, I really am past all that crap. I just feel it's time that match performance hit a consistently satisfactory level I suppose, but tonight was just consistently bad.
Before this sounds like sour grapes, absolutely no offence to my opponent Alan. Nice bloke, proper firm handshake and he played well, particularly so at the business end of the match. Given that we were only 10-11 despite the disconsolate feelings about my own game, opportunity was there earlier on to get away from him and keep my nose in front, but I let myself down.
Some really wayward bowls that were embarrassing, unacceptable and the reasons why I became increasingly irrate and distracted.
Then outside influences started to get under my skin. Crossing bowls and players from other matches seemed to inadvertently time their movements against me to annoying precision. It pains me to admit that even the encouragement from our scorer Terry Grayston - who I love - felt clichéd and ill-timed at certain points and drove me nuts. I should've been appreciating the fully paid attention of Tez to my match, but I think it was just because I was having a shit game that silly stuff like this was bothering me. I'll tell Tez on Thursday and have the conversation. I want him to understand, because it's not him, it's me!
Although I actually didn't roll too badly on the last few ends, Alan absolutely nailed them. No doubt the Vernons man deserved to win.
In the aftermath, I question why my game went catastrophically wrong from my point of view. An inquest going on inside my head as I make the roughly seven minute brisk walk home.
Practice hasn't gone great since our green reopened. Although just getting the better of neighbour Aaron on that first opening evening to retain our Hargreaves Cup match, Aaron wasn't on his game by any means and I've spiralled downhill since. When I told a few clubmates I had a bad feeling about the match ahead, it turned out to be one of few things I got right on the night.
In the aftermath, I question why my game went catastrophically wrong from my point of view. An inquest going on inside my head as I make the roughly seven minute brisk walk home.
Practice hasn't gone great since our green reopened. Although just getting the better of neighbour Aaron on that first opening evening to retain our Hargreaves Cup match, Aaron wasn't on his game by any means and I've spiralled downhill since. When I told a few clubmates I had a bad feeling about the match ahead, it turned out to be one of few things I got right on the night.
I really feel for the chaps at the club who have worked hard to get our green in shape, but such a wet Winter and pretty damp Spring so far, coupled with resident pecking crows has made it a different and funny old beast to tame and I just don't feel confident on there. It's probably just be me, but I'm interested to see how it generally pans out as a home green this season. I for one am finding it difficult.
Green conditions aside, at times, releasing the bowl wasn't fluid tonight either and with my thumb still not fully functional after coming off my bike a couple of weeks ago, perhaps this is affecting my grip? I'm not sure my foot placement was correct either, my stance normally angled a little as I play across myself... I could go on...
Uh oh, this all sounds like clutching at excuses. I'm searching for reasons, but it's all just excuses.
The only bonified contributory factor for my downfall was temperament and in that department I'm simply flawed. If I don't bowl to what I deem a reasonable standard, the red mist descends and I get lost in a battle against myself.
Uh oh, this all sounds like clutching at excuses. I'm searching for reasons, but it's all just excuses.
The only bonified contributory factor for my downfall was temperament and in that department I'm simply flawed. If I don't bowl to what I deem a reasonable standard, the red mist descends and I get lost in a battle against myself.
Confidence is on the floor after this. But if selected to play Thursday, I actually feel slightly better that it's away from home. That's not how it should be though.
There's a pressure I put on myself to perform and especially on my home green to make a decent show of myself. But if Thursday night turns out to be Tuesday night replayed, then I really could see myself taking a sabbatical from the game. To be quite honest, there's plenty of other stuff I can be doing.
Alternatively, things might go well and all this confidence shrivelled rambling will seem ridiculous and insignificant.
Hopefully it's the latter, but my mood about bowls right now feels very fickle and a bit deflated.
There's a pressure I put on myself to perform and especially on my home green to make a decent show of myself. But if Thursday night turns out to be Tuesday night replayed, then I really could see myself taking a sabbatical from the game. To be quite honest, there's plenty of other stuff I can be doing.
Alternatively, things might go well and all this confidence shrivelled rambling will seem ridiculous and insignificant.
Hopefully it's the latter, but my mood about bowls right now feels very fickle and a bit deflated.
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