v BOB BROWN L 10-21
I genuinely thought getting them closer and more consistently a few nights earlier would pave the way for, if not another win, then making a game of it at least against whoever I faced in the Frenchwood line-up.
But in bowls, what I "thought" has many a time been some distance from stark reality. I played Bob a few years ago at Longridge and succumbed to a similarly meek defeat. He was on equally good form that night as he was here, but I should have run him closer this time and the sheer disappointment and frustration to not do so left me in that place where I just can't be arsed with the game anymore and considering better things to do on these Summer nights.
Now Bob's a damn good player and very experienced so maybe I'm delusional asking myself for too much to be able to punch against this calibre of player all the time. I can do it occasionally, but not consistently and that's where I'm at, but I simply find that unacceptable to myself.
I can chew through the facts and say I'm putting too much pressure on myself, but much as I have tried to keep a level head this season, turmoil has infested it's way in to my game and things have gone to shit.
Obliging myself a little fairness, I did start out well in this game but didn't get a shred of luck. Bob's twos on the first two ends were decent woods but I was unlucky not to get something and the odd nick or measure thereafter proved to go my opponent's way. But ultimately I was poor when I had the jack in my hand and couldn't find a way of putting Bob under any pressure. My first opportunity could have settled me in to the game but my poor second bowl took some getting over. Bob was landing everything, I couldn't get in and tetchiness began to creep in as I trailed 3-15. What a mess.
I ground out a few more points from here, but I struggled with the pace of our green which looked like it was running more than it did and got caught short too many times. As the frustration grew, I'd distracted myself from the simplicity of just making sure I reached. Inexplicably when a couple of opportunities did transpire later in the game, I sent the jack off with half the green to myself and then when I did put two good ones up, Bob found perfection with his second bowl. He played well and dominated and after scuppering another chance to lead, Bob lands a toucher which I swing wildly at because frankly I was glad to come off. Not enjoying it enough at the moment and in a dark place. This was a regretfully defeatist attitude.
A few days later when the dust settles, that initial knee-jerk reaction to quit the game subsides. Who hasn't played a sport competitively and got utterly fraught with it at some point?
Back to the drawing board and one more game before a week's holiday and a much needed break... from this bloody stupid game as much as anything else!
I suppose the crux of my frustrations are wanting to continue improving, yet achieve this by without being able to commit more time and effort to practice and joining other teams. I may not make as a good a player as I would wish to be and improvement becomes a more difficult and narrower road the further you travel down it. Just now I feel I was further up that road not long ago but have been jammed in reverse gear for a month.
This was another poor night for the team too as we collected just three winners at home and have now lost our last eight matches after those early season highs.
Our young captain Aaron is back on form though with a great win against Lyndon Carr, then two more very notable scalps of Peter Hawkes and Robbie Ellis the following evening to make the last sixteen of the Brownedge Classic again.
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